Oh dad...

Emails are so rare these days.. with facebook and twitter and all the social networks.. Updating family and friends with daily happenings is made more convenient. Hence we stay in touch even if we don't realise it. But ofcourse there are certain things reserved for the eyes and "ears" of only a selected few... such as this email I received from my very best friend:

(heheh I can't believe I'm posting this but its just too funny not to share)

so the email goes....

" dunno if ur dad mentioned that he met alai (BFF's husband) yday arah penggilan. It was funny coz alai went to tagur ur dad masa kan balik... skali ceta2 lah alai told ur dad yang kawin ani colleague nya etc etc etc, skali alai asked ur dad... "kita ani bapa c sam kan uncle?" n suddenly ur dad had a grin on his face n asked with a serious tone "c sam mana tu?" (that's how i imagined it masa alai ceta arah ku hehe) skali alai ckp... "c sam bah samsiah... aku laki c achu bah uncle" skali ur dad pun smile n said "awooo... astah" heheheheh its like masa ur dad had a grin atu mcm... "who the hell is this guy rambut lagi panjang kan cuba2 men-tackle anak ku!" kinda look arah alai sampai alai mcm GULP! Heheheheheheheh tapi lps alai mentioned me. ok tia phew! "

HAAHAHAHAHAHaHA owhhh Daddy~ I love you too ;p

majOr fuMble

I joined this run for charity thing... HAhahahHA yeah you heard it right.. me? run? hahahahah okay I guess its time.. seriously time to get back on the wagon... I have strayed so far ahahaha anyway.. the charity... something of a rarity (hey that rhymes)

In fact, if I wasn't forced into it or involved via office I certainly wouldn't have joined it at all I think. Not that I don't believe in charity... I think charity could be served in other forms not just in BIG shebang events.

So there I was running a little bit late for this run thing and meeting up with the cuzzie and her friends at a venue.. even from a distance I could see how fit these guys were... as I entered the car I was introduced to the two very good looking guys... thankfully my jaws didnt drop. hahahahahaahhahaahhahaha

They were lets just say a feast for the eyes...nice facial features.. the kind that deserves.. wait... the kind that demands a second glance.. or three.. maybe even four.. well sculpted... arms with rippled muscles even visible through the printed white shirts (the charity run official wear a tad tacky but they made the shirt looked good!) HAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAahha owh my.. I said too much..but surely it doesn't hurt to have a bit of eye candy *giggle* ;p

So once the introductions were over and we were just chatting amongst ourselves on the way to the venue.. I couldn't help but express what I had in my mind to the cuzzie sitting next to me in the backseat.. "hey ka, lawa jua kawan kita dua orang ani.." cakap melayu lerr karang disabut hensem faham durang kan?! hahahaha

I seeeeriously didnt see what came after... " hey ming (mostly family only that call me by that name), sorang atu melayu tu ming"

&*$^%!!!! ssssshhheeeeeeeiiiiitttssSSssssss..... embarassment does not befit the discription that I felt when she uttered those words... FuuuuuudddgeeeestickkSS!!!! *&^%*$((!!!

I think my face could put the red on an apple to shame!!!!!!

bladder Be bladder blah!

I had my resevations about writing this but it was just too stupendous not to be shared!

It was a lovely day. The birds chirping, the wind blew with a cool breeze enough to mask the heat of the shining sun.. ever so bright and i have the two tones skin on my arms to prove it.. like i've put on a long glove... I can't stop staring at it now...

So it was a lovely day.. a great day for a picnic. I'll upload the pictures maybe on a later day cos its just so troublesome my current fone.. Seriously need to get a new one... soon enough inshaAllah.

This story isn't really about the day at the beach.. more what happened after.. ever had the so-much-fun-that-you'd-forgot-to-go-1? It was a picnic under the brightest of sunshine.. the heat was barely noticeable due to the presence of billowing cool breeze off the sea.. but that didnt stop me from having a drink.. a lot of drinks actually.

So fast forward to the time I drove home..I find my handbag metamorphs into Doraemons magic pouch that coughs out so much stuff.. everything and anything but what I'm looking for! So right there and then I felt the urge to tinkle!! WTF??!!! Now??!! Seriously lately the warning for 1 and 2 is short and URGENT!! UUrrggHHHH come on keys!! I stopped moving literally! to will myself to hold it for a little longer.. but the frantic search for the f**king key was preventing me from concentrating on holding it!! And that was the weirdest relief I have ever let myself be in *sink in shame*

yes you read it right! I was like this little kid who hasn't mastered bladder control! haAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

I jumped near the garden hose, almost screaming!! "hose me down!! I cant hold it!! I seriously cant!!" and so my dear brother.. who was mortified at the situation was in between laughing and disbelief!! He pulled the garden hose and turned the faucet and started to spray me with water like washing a dirty cat! hahahahahhaAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAahahhahaha

I was laughing this red in the face laugh wishing that it was all a bad dream!!

*hide me now*

But that is not the end of it... after cleaning up and gathering what was left of my dignity.. I went downstairs remembering the M&S chocolate snack that the other brother brought home last night. A lovely blend of rolled rich and moist chocolate cake coated with milk chocolate that is so devine it helps you forget your troubles.. Exactly what I need in this situation. I was chewing one in my mouth and it was working... HhhMMmmmmhhhh.. chocolate.. endorpine releasing substance is really working. Just as I decided to take a sip of water to drown a little bit of its rich sweetness, the brother stepped into view out of no where!! Giving me a bit of a fright! And I choked on the water and caughed it out.... Right into his face. Its not enough that he had witnessed the aweful scene earlier, now he gets chewed up chocolate gunge spat on him!!! HAHAAHAHaHAAHHAhaha owhh Allah..

bahasa

Confession... I've been so caught up with trying to acquire an immaculate second language that it had probably overtaken my first... leaving me clueless as to how I've managed to lose words of my mother-tongue that should've come second nature to me.. now its like rediscovering my own heritage... on that note.. read on and be a witness to my realisation of how astray I've gone in prioritising another mans language.. a "slap-in-the-face" tale that knocked back some sense in to me.

True story... suatu hari yang panas.. abis dah musim hujan.. I had just finished lunch and was paying my parking ticket at the airport... the booth rarely had both counter open but on this day lo and behold it was.. shocker.. for me atleast.. ahah ok ok back to my story.. at the time I was paying, a caucasian man was paying his and so happens we were handed our ticket concurrently and of course the automatic response would be to thank them for their service...

To have the full effect of what I had felt.. you have to immagine it as if you were experiencing it for yourself... the scenario.. both of us spoke at the same time:

Caucasian man : "Tarema kaseih" (in a very disticnt english accent)

Me : "Thank you" (in my usual immitation of an english accent)

in my mind... &*^%!*#$?!! *speechless*

the guy had a knowing smile on his face..

*blush*

uTamaKan baHasa kiTa

I remembEr baCk in mY schoOl daYs... I couLdn't uTTer Let aloNe undErsTand muCh of tHe EngLish LanguagE.. sO I took Up ReadinG aNd haD my diCtionaRy wiTH me aT all tiMes..

Now.. BelieVe iT oR noT... I struGGle wiTh bahasa MelaYu.... aDuhhhhh MAriMaLuuuuu hahAHahaHAah bahaSa senDiri wahhh... sO the past Few dayS I decided To do tHe saMe thinG I did baCk in sChool... Cept noW in ReVerSe....

sO I bought a MalaY noVel....

Rasa jua kan menfaSihkAn baHasa Melayu KwaNNNggg~~~

mahal tu Eyh tajUk bukuNya aHhhhhhhhh *HAhahAHaHahaHAaHaahaAaAAHhaaAHhahhaha*

GooD Luck TO mE!!

tHe LoW beForE tHe hiGh

oN tHe daY oF my fLighT to KL.. I got into a Car AcCidEnt.. hHAhah tErriFic riGht?! hahaHA WOuLd'Ve wRotE AbOUt It EArlIEr BuT i jUst cOuLdn't fiNd tHe tiMe aNd I juSt diDn'T waNna thiNk aBout iT.

OuWh mY faVE soNg iS pLayiNg on tHe raDio.. ~~ I reMemBer WhEn My HearT bROkE..~~

Be riTe baCK..

aAAaahhhhHH kEyshiA coLE... yOu rOck baBE!! hahahaha Macam KenaL saJa caRa ku beCakap ahhh hahahahaHAhaAH

sO I waS sayiNg.. I waS on My waY tO haVe LuncH wiTH tHe CousiN wHen..

**BooOMM!!**

I hiT tHe caR infrOnt oF me Just aS I waS exiTing a juNctiOn! I didn'T paNiC.. diD't cRy.. aLL I diD wAs took aloOk at tHe DamAge aNd Let oUt a vEry tiRed siGh...

tHe caR I hiT....

tHe daMagE tO my cAr...

**siGh**

aTLeast I aM saFe.... tHouGh tHe $$$$ sPent oN fiXinG thiS couLd bE beTTer oFF bEinG spEnt iN KL!! huhUUuuu~~~

hiDe mE unDer a piLLOw!!

"yOuR fLy is oPen" thEsE woRds no Man wAnts to HeaR wHen tHey juSt caMe oUt oF tHe LavatorY!
sO wHy aM I sayiNg thiS?.. I'm gettiNg to my poiNt.. tHis moRning.. aS I waS LeisuReLy waLkinG iNto tHe oFFiCe buiLdiNg I feLt a BrEezE oN My baCK... tHe kiNd tHat indicaTed tHat My top wiTh a bacK ziPper haD coMe undoNE!!! aWWuuu!!! yoU rEad iT righT!! ziP bajU ku TEbuKA!!! @@#($*#$&%!!!!!! tHanK AllaH tHere wAs nO oNe in siGht!!!

sO iNsteAd oF thE uSuaL Lazy rOutE oF takiNg tHe ElevaTor, I toOk tHe baCK staiRS! ruNninG up a fLag oF staiRs wiTh tHe brEezE oN my baCK.. maCam cerita sEraM pLang usuLnya ku tu Lari maCam kaNa buBut haNtu~ haHahHaH eRRrmmmMm

*bReatHEeeeee*

siNg-aLoNg~~

wHen yOu aRe crUisiNg doWn tHe hiGhwAy... do yoU puMp-Up tHe voLuMe aNd siNg to yOuR hEarts conTent.. aLa-aLa Menyanyi arAh pertandiNgan kaReoKe di maJLis OraNg kaWIn?.. *haHAAHaHaha *

oN my wAy to woRk... terJumpa Ku oRang disebaLah ani.... cuKup Lagi deNgan goYang kePaLa Sama expRessi muKanya HAHAHAAHaha PaCAahhhhh Ku kEtaWa!!! HAAHHAaAHahAHa yaaaaa aaainnnnnn!! Man you maDe my morning!! hahaHAAHaHa TuHan saJa membALas budi mu haHAAHaahaH meMbuAt Ke kEtaWa teRbahaK-baHak pagi SabTU ani.... aTu kaN ku tErLintuK sLeep DepRiVed....

LuaN exCerciSe yataH pumPed uP adrenaLin haHahaAHaHA ndA betidur
*HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHA*
God aNd si "ruSa" saja yang tahu HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

saVing faCe...

tHe inVentioN tHat is cRediT cArdS iS oNe Very uSefuL tooL.. eVen thouGh tHe interest charges cOuLd maKe yOu fAinT.. tiaP kaLi biLL daTaNg.. 1001 seSaLan meMbuah diHati... rasA jua suDah tu Kan caKap meLayu... luRus iNda bLakang kiRa tapi kaLau saLah toLoNg tunjuKkan.. HAahahaHa apakan?!

bUt hEre's oNe stoRy tHat maKes yOu cuRL iNto a baLL aNd wiSh yOu wEre soMewHere eLse! sO tHe stOry goEs... I waS aT oNe oF tHe boutique sToRes aNd haPpiLy doiNg soMethiNg a girL oR any mEtro-sExuAL MaLe wouLd bE moRe tHan hyPed gEttiNg iNto.. shoPPiNGGggg!! sO tHerE I Was suKenyeeeee MEmiliH-miLih baJu, aFtEr trYinG tHem oN... Off I wEnt tO pAy fOr my PuRchAses...

PuCat muKa ku... $hi#!!! Mana waLLet kU?!! I wAs sTartiNg tO PAniC.. a fEw otHer cuStoMers wEre beGininG to LiNe uP beHiNd mE!! MAna??!!! maNa?!!!! I stoPped LooKinG aNd toOk a DeeP bReatH... aNd starTed LoOkiNg agaIn...

tHerE iT wAs uNderNeatH aLL tHe stUff I hAd iN my LeSs tHan eNoRmoUS BAg.. *fffeeeuuiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
LebAr seNyuMan Ku... LegAnyA TuHan saja yaNg taHu!!
tHe caShiEr dEngaN senyuMan siNisnyA, nalih menunggu ku meruah-ruah kali, daanggg nalih lagi aku.. nieee jantung ahhHhh kabak-kabak fikir beg duit ku nada.. saiD to Me "Cash oR caRd?"

SepaRuh mEnjaLing... I anSwereD hEr wiTh tHe saMe aTtiTuDe sHe waS giVinG mE.. "CasH!" sHe staTed tHe amOunT I neEdEd to pAy aNd I oPeneD uP my waLLet tO taKe Out tHe moNey...

$$$??????????

uUmmmm hMmmmmmm whEre's mY moNey?!! tHerE wAs a fEw doLLarS iN iT buT noT enougH to pAy tHe biLL...

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaarrrRRRRRRRGGGGggggghhhhHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

seKaLi Lagi jaNtuNg ku raSa kaN mELatup!! baRi maLu nie.... $hi#!! thiS girL iS goNNa haVe a fieLD day LaughiNg at My expEnSe.... tHink!!! think!!!!

"oN sEcoNd thoughT... i'LL pay by cArd"
(daLam hati bebisik... ThaNk GoD aDa kaD pLastiK aniEEee!!!)

a gruNt coMing frOm tHe girL... *HAhahAHAahAH* LEasT I haVe tHe Last Laugh!

nOtE to SeLf: aLwayS chEcK yOur cAsh bEfoRe goiNg inTO a shoP! uNLeSs yOu pLan to Pay by cArD!